After a few outbursts of tears, and hugging each other, all of us, feeling like we had just been punched in the stomach, we calmed down and went back to David’s room. All of us wanted one last chance to see him. To MJ, he was a husband, to the rest of us, he was either a father or father-in-law, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a brother, an uncle, a friend, a co-worker, and a pastor. To all of us he was a giant of the faith.

We sang Amazing Grace and prayed together. After that, I really don’t remember much of what went on in that room. I found myself just looking at his body trying to imagine what the next few weeks and months would be like without him. The presence of his absence was already so heavy. He was gone, but not really.

Over the next few hours as our family talked about him, I could see the influence he had had on each one of us. As the day went on, all of us got texts, phone calls, emails and Facebook messages from hundreds of people all of whom loved David and were impacted by his life. Later that day visitors came by, all with stories about how he had helped them in school or at church. I realized as I watched the day unfold that this man had spent his his life giving away little pieces of himself to help others. Time, money, work, advice, prayer, love, comfort, help, no request was too great. He always gave himself away.

When I finally laid down to go to sleep, I was rejoicing in a way. He is not gone. That body we saw was not David. He lives. He is alive right now. As I write this, he is present with Jesus. As you read this, even though he is absent from this earth, he lives through those of us he has touched.

He lives on in the lives of his family who, by watching his example, saw what it meant to put the priorities of life in the proper order. Who, by watching him, learned how live out the two greatest commandments: Love God and love people.

He lives through the lives of countless people in music ministry who learned from him how to be be the best at their craft while being true worshipers.

He lives on through myriad pastors and church workers who by having had the chance to be around him now know what selfless ministry is all about.

He lives on through thousands of students who to this very day practice the principles they learned from him.

He lives on in the lives of more people than can be counted.

So, Boss, when we think of you, we will cherish the presence of your absence. We will rejoice that for you, life was always about something bigger than yourself. We will thank God that the sum of all those little pieces of yourself that you kept giving away, added up to to a life far greater than any one man could live. We will cling to your example of working for something far beyond life here on earth. We will be grateful that you were willing to be broken, spilled out, and used up for Jesus.

We will remember that even though you are not here, you are not gone. Enjoy Jesus, Boss. We know how much you love him.

Me. “How’s your day?”

Her: “It Stinks”

Me: “What’s so bad about it?”

Her: “Well, I just tried to go to the gym and it took forever to find a parking place and then when I finally found one and got inside, all the old people kept getting in my way, slowing me down!!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”  ”How often do you go to the gym?”

Her: “Every day, but I’m thinking of going to another one.  I don’t have all day to wait around, I’m busy!”

Me: “But aren’t you older than most of those people”

Her: “Maybe on the calendar, but not in my head!”  (she taps her head a few times)

The conversation went on for a few more moments but honestly, I don’t remember many more of the details.  I was floored that apparently, no one had bothered to tell this woman she was in her 90′s and that not only was she too old to go to the gym, but she probably shouldn’t be driving there.  Or, if anyone had told her, she obviously did not listen.

I sat there in awe.  Here was a person that refused to be defined by anyone else’s standards, pre-conceived notions or so-called conventional wisdom.  Here was a person that was being exactly who she wanted to be, doing exactly what she wanted to do and really not caring what anyone else thought of her.

I enjoyed that little talk so much.  It made me crack up but it also reminded me that it really doesn’t matter what other people think I can or cannot do. It’s all in my head and heart.  If we are honest, we have all spent a lot of time trying to live up (or down) to the expectations of others.  Maybe it’s time to tell the nay-sayers to go pound sand, kick some “old people” out of our way and get on with it.

Good leaders will allow others to take leadership roles but will stay involved in the activity and work.   You see, very often a leader will delegate and then disengage.  BIG MISTAKE.  Your staff will notice the first sign of apathy or disinterest.  Don’t misunderstand.  Don’t micro-manage but, do stay engaged in the daily work.  So often visionaries get bored and move on to the next thing while the team is still struggling to finish the last project.  Your staff will do what you do.  Your team will act the way you do.  The culture of any organization takes on the personality of it’s leadership.  If you don’t like your corporate culture, it’s probably your fault.  Stop disengaging and pay attention.  You won’t believe what you’ve been missing.

This took us both by surprise but especially me.  Even though I knew what I said was true, I had not been experiencing many of the emotions that seem to attach themselves to loneliness.  No depression, no tiredness, no bitterness.  I hadn’t been waking up every day dreading what lay ahead of me.   But I had to admit.  I was lonely.

A few months ago, I started a new job. One I’m sure God called me to.  It was definitely a move I needed and wanted to make.  Change though, even in the best of circumstances, always brings with it an awkward season that only time can cure.  I left behind a really good job but more importantly, I left behind some really good relationships, that had taken years to build.  And, we all know that even though a change like this does not destroy good relationships, it definitely changes them.

I’m a very relational person. I don’t do well alone.  But, with some really good friendships left behind and some new ones yet to be formed, I find myself feeling lonely. Very lonely.  But I’m realizing that for right now in my life, it’s a good thing.  In the last few months I have reconnected with my family in ways that a few months ago, I would not have had time for.  I have had to increase my dependence on God, or should I say, remember my dependence on God.  I have spent many hours alone, but not unhappy.

It’s different.  Sometimes God can do his best work in us and through us when we are alone.  Sometimes it takes removing the subjectivity of friends and fellow workers to be able to honestly evaluate where you are and where you want to go.  More importantly, sometimes it takes being alone to be able to honestly evaluate who you are and who you want to become.

Robert Murray M’Cheyne wrote:  “A man is what he is, on his knees before God, and nothing more.”  I think sometimes we all need that kind of loneliness.

My loneliness will end in due time and I will feel normal again.  I just hope I don’t leave behind the lessons learned during this season of my life.

I learned that the numbers we use today originated in India. This culture was the first to invent an individual symbol to represent each of the numbers 1-9.  This made commerce, measuring, counting, agriculture, everything much easier to manage.  Yet while they had symbols that represented 1-9 no culture had yet invented the concept of 0 (zero).

Eventually, after time, the Indian people came to realize the power of zero, the concept of nothing. They came up with the symbol for it that we still use today, 0.  Immediately, their whole mathematical system changed.  It became infinitely more powerful and efficient.  Other cultures and nations caught on to the concept of zero and it dramatically changed all aspects of culture at that time.  Imagine the power of nothing.  I’ll bet they had no idea how the concept of nothing would change the world.

Imagine math equations with no zero. Just think, there would be no binary system without zero and thus, no computers.  Imagine trying to understand the number 1 million without zero.  How long do you think your accountant would stay in business without zero?  Impossible.

Okay, so here’s the application.  Many times each of us feels like we are not significant.  On any given day there are people in our organizations that feel like nothing.  Just remember the power of nothing.  The number 1 is great but look at it now.  1,000,000,000,000.  Put twelve nothings after it and it is much greater.  Take away one of those nothings and you have exponentially decreased the value of that number.  So, if you are a nothing, don’t underestimate your value, be encouraged.  You matter.  We all do.

If you are a number 1 or 2, just remember, you are worth more if you have a bunch of us nothings on your side.  You can make a much bigger impact with all of us nothings behind you; An exponential difference.

Maybe this is what Paul meant when he encouraged the body of Christ to actually act as if there were one body.  Every part has a function and every part matters.

Maybe that is why when Christ came to this earth he chose to make himself of “no reputation”.  Maybe he understood that adding value was better than being valued.  After all, he did come so we could not only have life but have it more abundantly.

Maybe this is what Christ meant when he told his disciples that in order to be the greatest, they had to be the least.  Last time I checked zero was the least.

Go Zero!

Does this sound like where you work?  Does this sound like your family?  Does this sound like your ministry?  If it does, you’re probably are more to blame than you think.  Bear with me, I’ll explain in a minute.

To me, discord is to an organization what cancer is to the human body.  It starts as a small, almost unnoticed blight and, if left unchecked for long enough, will eventually kill the body.

In the Bible, there is a list of seven things that God says he hates. Guess what is right up there with murder; Discord.

As leaders, there are two ways we can be to blame for this.  The most obvious way is to be the one spreading the strife.  Through gossip, trash-talking, berating employees, being argumentative when it is not necessary.  I could go on, but, when we are guilty of this, we know full well, what we are doing and why we are doing it.

The second way the blame for discord falls on us as leaders is when we allow it to happen around us.

You have had someone say this to you before: Now, I don’t mean to say anything bad about so and so but…….”  Or, how about this one:  “Now, between you and me…..”

My guess is, most of the time when a conversation starts this way, most of us can’t wait to hear the rest of the sentence.  The fact is, this is where we as leaders need to shut it down.  When you listen to gossip and discord you are just as guilty and just as big a part of the problem as the one speaking it.

Next time anyone begins a conversation that way I dare you to either shut them down or, better yet, say something like this: “Hang on a minute, let’s get so and so on the phone so he can hear what you are saying about him.”

You can bet that at the very least, that conversation is over and at the most, that person will never come to you with gossip again.

Proverbs says where there is no kindling the fire goes out.   So, save yourself some grief, save your organization some tension, and shut down discord before it has a chance to destroy you.

After they were finished eating, one of them started singing the song “Jesus Loves Me”. After a couple of measures, the other girl joined in saying: “You aren’t singing loud enough, Jesus can’t hear you!”

The sound filled the entire restaurant. I sat there beaming knowing that Jesus’ name was being lifted up by two girls who simply didn’t know any better. They did not know they should be embarrassed. They did not know that a song about Jesus might be offensive to some atheist, some radical Islamic person, or to “People for the American Way.” They just had innocent and brave enough to sing and say what was in their hearts without fear.

The beauty of it all was, who’s going to complain about two little kids singing? Everyone just had to listen. They probably sang it ten times!

I’m afraid too many of us have gotten to the place where we “know better” than to do something like that. We skip praying over a meal so as not to be embarrassed or offend. We keep our live for Jesus quiet when we should be out there compelling people to come to Jesus.

When the girls finished, I gave them a round of applause and told them I was proud of them. My only regret is that I did not join them in singing before they stopped.

Maybe next time I’ll be more innocent and more brave.

“Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”

My wife and I just took a trip to Nashville, TN.  We were invited to attend the American Association of Christian Counselors’ World Conference.  The AACC is an incredible organization of over 60,000 counselors that has had significant impact on counselors and churches around the world.  Seeing what AACC does was an amazing opportunity.  We were very, very grateful to be able to attend.

One of the elements of this conference is the appearance of several well known speakers and musicians.  This year they had invited people like Chuck Colson, Gary Smalley, Joni Erickson Tada, Amy Grant, Mandisa, NewSong and others.  Karen and I were fortunate enough to be invited to the green room and backstage areas for most of the conference and therefore, got to be around most of the celebrities that came through.

It was very interesting to be around these big names.  It was interesting to watch them as they prepared to speak or sing.  Watching Chuck Colson go over his powerpoint with the tech guys and watching Mandisa practicing with her iPod reminded me that all of them were just ordinary people who happened to have extraordinary jobs.

What was even more interesting was watching the actions of those around them.  It’s amazing what proximity to a celebrity will do to some people.  For full disclosure, there were a couple of these folks I REALLY wanted to meet. But, after watching how some people around them acted, I was not too disappointed I did not get to.

The person I admired the most backstage was, well, let’s just call him Jimmy, because that’s his name, Jimmy Queen.  He spoke to and treated everyone exactly the same; whether it was the most popular person at the event, a staff member, or a custodian at the hotel.  What an example of a person who is grounded and humble.

Then there were some other types too.  You’ve seen it before:

The ones who will be having a perfectly nice conversation with you until a “famous” person walks by and then they walk away as if you never existed just to go sniff after the celebrity.

Then there are the ones who ignore everyone altogether to focus 100% attention to stalking the celebrities.  I don’t want to be crass, but I was amazed that some of these stars were even able to walk around with these sycophants figuratively embedded in certain parts of their anatomy.

The ones that amused me the most were those that almost seemed jealous that there was someone in the room who happened to be more well-known.  Feigning contempt while all the while dying for an excuse to have a conversation.

I think it’s James Chapter 2 that discusses the sin of partiality.  To be totally honest, I have been guilty of this myself.  It’s hard for my selfish heart to resist that temptation but I must.  I have to admit, as much as I wanted to meet a couple of those people, I am sort of glad I didn’t.  I would never want anyone to see me the way I observed those few backstage who just did not get it.  Thank God for Jimmy and those at the AACC who work with him that understand that everyone matters, not just the “important” people.

I hope I always follow that example.

I have spent some time observing people and am convinced most people do not know the difference between the definitions of fair and equal.  In case you did not know, they do not mean the same thing.  Yet as I watch all that goes on around me, it becomes apparent  that many are quite ignorant of this fact.

fair ¹ |fer|

adjective

1 in accordance with the rules or standards; legitimate

• just or appropriate in the circumstances

equal |ˈēkwəl|

adjective

1 being the same in quantity, size, degree, or value

• uniform in application or effect; without discrimination on any grounds

Look into the political arena and see masses of people who will decide to vote for a particular candidate, just because he or she tells them that it is not fair that their income level is not equal to that of the “rich”.  Forget that fact that the “rich” have probably worked harder, spent more wisely, actually saved some of their money, educated themselves, risked something, tried something, dared to fail and, at last, succeeded in making themselves wealthy.  Forget the fact that for the most part, the ones without are probably the same ones buying twenty dollars worth of lottery tickets while I have to wait behind them in line to pay for the gas I’m putting in the car that takes me to my job.  Forget the fact that for the most part, those without are not ambitious, they are lazy, and they expect the government to take money out of my pocket and put it in theirs.  Forget the fact that these “poor” people probably have cell phones, satellite TV, thousands of dollars in credit card debt, and multiple televisions sets they watch for hours and days at a time.  Forget the fact that most of these “poor” people probably spend a huge percentage of their income on cigarettes and alcohol and “other” substances.  Forget the fact that most of these have not educated themselves, don’t like to work, don’t save any money, never take any risks, never get off their butts and do anything but yet they are convinced that the only way life can be fair is if all things are equal…….. This crowd does not get it.  And, by the way, these “poor” people have no idea how wealthy they are compared to those in real poverty.

I look into the business world and see the same thing.  There is a reason why the guy who has talent, who comes to work earlier, stays later, who is more productive, more efficient, respects authority, takes his job seriously, and cares about his company probably makes more money than the guy who is incompetent, comes in late, dresses like a slob, hates his boss, hates his job, goofs off at work, disrespects authority, and spends most of his time standing around the office complaining about how unfair it is that his pay is not equal to the others……. This guy is an idiot.

I see it in the way many children are raised.  Heaven help us if someone gets to “win” a t-ball game.  We can’t have anyone feeling like a loser now, can we?  So, you’re telling me the kid that practices his skills can never be allowed to be rewarded at a greater level than the kid who sits in the outfield and eats bugs?  That may be equal but it is certainly not fair.  Teachers dumb down tests so that the grades are more “equal”.  What about the kid that really studies and knows his stuff?  In the name of equality, he is punished so the under-disciplined, over-medicated brats can feel like they are equal.    Then we are shocked when children turn into some of the losers described in the above paragraphs…..These people have no idea how they are abusing their children.

Here is the hard one.  I see it in the church, too. I have seen pastors exhibit jealousy, and even hatred, toward my pastor just because he is “more successful.”  They write letters to the editor that criticize his methods and/or theology.   They complain about irrelevant issues.  Of course, they forget to mention that while my pastor is spending every waking minute taking care of the ministry God gave him, they are not.  These guys don’t bother to acknowledge that just maybe they have not really paid the price required for greatness.  I know a pastor of a very small church that is exactly where God wants him to be. And guess what?  He is a great pastor!  His reward will be great because he has been a good steward.  Hey, jealous pastor!  Read the parable of the talents.  There is nothing equal in that story except for the fact that we are all equally responsible to be a good steward of what God has given us, which by the way, is different for EVERYBODY.  And guess what?  It’s fair, but it’s not equal. If that happened today, the man who buried his talent in the ground and disappointed his boss would have sued the boss on the basis his reward was not equal to the others and with the whack job judges we have on our courts today, he would have won!  There are people in the clergy today who might as well be wearing diapers and sucking on a pacifier.

In other areas of the church, I see those who want all the privileges that come with ministry, but don’t want to pay the price physically or spiritually to earn those privileges.  I almost see it more often in the church, because unlike politics, business, or education, it seems to be taboo to point out the fact that one person might be more qualified or prepared for certain tasks than another person.  We don’t want to make anyone feel bad, or we don’t want things to appear “unequal.”  Often times we hesitate to admit that some have worked harder than others, or God forbid, might even be more qualified than another.  All under the right motive of not wanting to offend.   Well, the fact of the matter is you can always be fair, you can almost never be equal.  I love to sing.  In fact, while I am writing this, I am listening to a guy sing who is exponentially better than I am.  Is that equal?  No.  Is it fair? Yes.   And guess what?  If I listen long enough, someone will come along who is better than that guy, too.  So, should I demand to be treated as if I’m as qualified as one who is better, or should I decide to be a good steward of the gifts I have?

Paul wrote that even though we are one body, we all function as different parts.  If you take a look at your body, I am sure there are some parts that take priority over others at any given time.  Is every part of my body important to me?  You bet!  But what if my feet got mad every time I used my hands to play the piano?  I guess many people today would say, “go ahead feet, you play the piano this time, after all, we have to keep things equal.”  Ridiculous, isn’t it?  But I see it every day in every facet of life.

So what has all this “equality” gotten us?  We get government officials with no backbone, no integrity, and no core values.   We get a general public that expects more and more handouts and less and less responsibility.  We get a workforce that is lazy, unambitious, and shocked that they don’t get paid six-figure incomes for doing nothing.  We get high school graduates who can’t read, or solve a mathematical problem, can’t use proper grammar, and won’t respect authority.  But, at least they have had “positive affirmation” from their teachers.  At least they have never lost a  t-ball game, and they know the proper dosages of Ritalin and their favorite anti-depressants.  At least they can feel good about themselves because they were treated “equally.”  We get ministers and laypeople who spend more time spreading jealous discord than they do spreading the Gospel of Christ.

So, what am I trying to say?  Don’t fall into Satan’s lie that all things have to be equal.    Don’t let a political candidate convince you that you are a victim of inequality.  Don’t rob yourself of the benefits of working hard.  Don’t raise your kids to be wimps.  Don’t suck the joy out of your ministry by living in envy.

Thank God we are not all exactly the same.  It would be so boring.  I hope I always strive to be fair.  But as for equal?  I hope I can do better than that.

Jesus always had a keen way of getting people’s attention and getting his point across.  He hardly ever mentioned “religious” things.He was very creative in the way he addressed the issues of His day.  He never crammed His message down the throats of the listener.  He always found a way to cleverly get His point across with great questions and interesting stories.

He Had Substantive Content – Luke 4:32 There, too, the people were amazed at the things he said, because he spoke with authority.

Jesus made sure His words mattered.  He had an interesting story to tell.  He did not take his chance to speak for granted by wasting time with fluff.  He made sure every word and every story had substance and was not just symbolic.  His words had meaning and impact to the listener.  His point was not always accepted, but very seldom was it missed.

He Had Social Context – 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 “……. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some……

Jesus spoke to the culture of His day.  He used examples the listener would understand.   He knew if He wanted to get His point across, He would have to be culturally relevant.  Jesus did not just assume the whole world would take what He had to say seriously.  He spoke into the lives of people where they were, not where He was or wanted them to be.  This made them want to listen and learn.  He knew what to say to His disciples as well as what to say to those outside of His circles.

He Had Simple Clarity – Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone.

Jesus did not use the religious “mumbo jumbo” that only His followers could define.  The Pharisees probably hated how “common” He was, but those to whom Jesus ministered had no problem understanding what Jesus was saying.  So often in our church culture we use words like “fellowship”, “ministry”, “brother”, “soul-winning” and then wonder why the world looks at us like we are aliens.  Jesus was smart enough to keep it simple. It’s the 21st century not 1611.  Learn how to speak.

He Had Significant Character - Luke 2:52 “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men”

No one ever had a hard time identifying Jesus. Even those that hated him knew exactly who He was, who He claimed to be, and what He stood for.  His character spoke much louder than His words.  He backed up His words with character that impacted this world like no other.

He Had Solid Consistency – Philippians 3:13-14 “……but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead……

Jesus never lost focus.  Nothing distracted Him.  Even the devil himself was confounded when trying to debate Jesus in the wilderness.  We have to stay on mission all the time.  Jesus never wasted energy on things that did not matter.  Not once.  Everything he said and did was for a purpose; the same purpose.  Doing the work of His Heavenly Father.

He Had Selfless Conduct – Matthew 10:45 “For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus proved time and time again that he did not come to be served but to serve.  His actions proved that he believed what he said.  He served and met the physical needs of others before he addressed their spiritual needs.  Through His conduct, He earned the right to speak into the lives of others.  Even before His death He was selfless… “Not my will, but Thine be done”